An ode to eddy

content/posts/2022/ode-to-eddy/index.md

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+---
+title: My dog, Eddy, died today. He will be missed.
+date: "2022-09-30"
+template: "post"
+category: "blog"
+tags:
+  - "life"
+  - "animals"
+  - "dog"
+
+description: "Today we had to give a lethal injection to my furry friend Eddy. He will be honored appropriately and this post is one of the tools to do that."
+---
+
+![headshot of Eddy in his early years, jack-russel and fox mix](./media/eddy-2011.jpg "This is Eddy, January 30, 2011")
+
+Unfortunately I've had to put my dog Eddy down today.
+Eddy was my best friend. Not just my best furry friend, but my best friend period.
+He never failed to bring me joy, he was always there when I needed him and he helped me overcome some of life's biggest obstacles just by existing.
+
+Putting him down was very hard for me. Eddy had been in a rough shape for at least a week but I wasn't ready to give up on him.
+As a matter of fact, I didn't want to give up until after he was put down. To say I cried like a newborn would be an understatement.
+I've felt pain like this in my life before, and I swore I would never let it happen again but Eddy managed to nestle his way too deep in my heart.
+
+I love you Eddy. Always have. Always will. Rest in peace my friend.
+
+> Eddy
+>
+> 2009-10-18 - 2022-09-30
+
+## Why Eddy had to be put down
+
+<figure class="float-right" style="width: 240px">
+	<img src="/media/eddy-ribbon.jpg" alt="Eddy with a ribbon penetrating his body so the wounds won't close">
+	<figcaption>Such a cute boy with his ribbon, July 2016</figcaption>
+</figure>
+
+Of course this isn't the first time Eddy has had some issues with his health.
+During the course of a life many things can happen and some of those will inevitably be bad.
+I've included a picture of the time Eddy had to carry a ribbon through his torso to prevent the wound from closing.
+Not the prettiest sight but it was worth it because he pulled through.
+Apart from that Eddy also had to take medicine twice a day for various other illnesses, and he was very good at hiding his pills too...
+Later Eddy lost a lot of his teeth and also a big part of his vision.
+
+The issues with Eddy were much more serious this time though.
+Eddy has had stomach ulcers for a long time now and whilst they are somewhat treatable with medication they will almost always develop to become a bigger issue.
+In his last few days Eddy began spewing blood, having very dark excrements and generally being a tad cranky. Not traits usually associated with the happy little dog I knew.
+Just before Eddy was put down the veterinarian pointed out a hard lump in his stomach, thought to be a cancerous growth.
+I felt it and remembered feeling something very similar before. I knew then that we were making the right call.
+
+## mixed feelings
+
+I am not often an emotional wreck, but today I was.
+Though, after some thought I realized something that I'd realized before:
+
+> For something to cause me so much pain it had to have brought me joy. Memories are fading in and out, my vision goes blurry. I'm coming short of breath...
+> The only thing keeping me sane is knowing I have memories of us, the pictures captured a mere glimpse of it. But my heart captured everything.
+>
+> \- from the poem `thoughts` by Rick van Lieshout
+
+<figure class="float-left" style="width: 240px">
+	<img src="/media/eddy-hat.jpg" alt="Eddy with a beige hat on">
+	<figcaption>Very professional doggy. Early 2022</figcaption>
+</figure>
+
+And though those feelings are true. I also can't help but shake the sorrow I feel.
+I realize, all too well, that I've lost the last thing on this planet that I chose to truly love.
+Family ties are great and all, but I chose to spend my life with Eddy. I chose to take care of him and to love him until I couldn't anymore.
+
+A little over 2 years ago I moved out of my parent's house and I unfortunately couldn't take Eddy with me.
+Not only because my job doesn't really allow me to take the best emotional care (9-5..) of a dog but also because Eddy is old.
+Eddy simply didn't want to move. He knew his surroundings, even though he didn't see very well, and didn't really want to change them up.
+Though I went to see him every week (and my parents too...) I still didn't like being away from him for the rest of the week.
+
+I have debated getting a pet of my own. But as I said before I would feel sorry for the animal because I wouldn't be home much.
+I also thought of getting a cat, but I just like dogs more.
+Now that Eddy has left me completely I will just have to see where life takes me. I sure could use a buddy at times so maybe I will end up adopting a pet anyway.
+
+## Farewell
+
+In the end though, I don't think anything can truly replace Eddy.
+I got Eddy an urn so I can have him in my life for the rest of mine.
+Sleep well friend.
+
+![Eddy lying on a blue towel at the veterinarian after receiving the lethal injection. He looks peaceful](./media/eddy-post-mortem.jpg 'Eddy peacefully "sleeping" post mortem')

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