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92 lines
5.2 KiB
Markdown
92 lines
5.2 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: My dog, Eddy, died today. He will be missed.
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date: "2022-09-30"
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template: "post"
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category: "blog"
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tags:
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- "life"
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- "animals"
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- "dog"
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description: "Today we had to give a lethal injection to my furry friend Eddy. He will be honored appropriately and this post is one of the tools to do that."
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socialImage: "./media/eddy-2011.jpg"
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---
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Unfortunately, I've had to put my dog Eddy down today.
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Eddy was my best friend. Not just my best furry friend, but my best friend period.
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He never failed to bring me joy, he was always there when I needed him and he helped me overcome some of life's biggest obstacles just by existing.
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Putting him down was very hard for me. Eddy had been in a rough shape for at least a week but I wasn't ready to give up on him.
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As a matter of fact, I didn't want to give up until after he was put down. To say I cried like a newborn would be an understatement.
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I've felt pain like this in my life before, and I swore I would never let it happen again but Eddy managed to nestle his way too deep in my heart.
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I love you Eddy. Always have. Always will. Rest in peace my friend.
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> Eddy
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>
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> 2009-10-18 - 2022-09-30
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## Why Eddy had to be put down
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<figure class="float-right" style="width: 240px">
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<img src="/media/eddy-ribbon.jpg" alt="Eddy with a ribbon penetrating his body so the wounds won't close">
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<figcaption>Such a cute boy with his ribbon, July 2016</figcaption>
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</figure>
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Of course this isn't the first time Eddy has had some issues with his health.
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During the course of a life many things can happen and some of those will inevitably be bad.
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I've included a picture of the time Eddy had to carry a ribbon through his torso to prevent the wound from closing.
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Not the prettiest sight but it was worth it because he pulled through.
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Apart from that Eddy also had to take medicine twice a day for various other illnesses, and he was very good at hiding his pills too...
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Later Eddy lost a lot of his teeth and also a big part of his vision.
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The issues with Eddy were much more serious this time though.
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Eddy has had stomach ulcers for a long time now and whilst they are somewhat treatable with medication they will almost always develop to become a bigger issue.
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In his last few days Eddy began spewing blood, having very dark excrements and generally being a tad cranky. Not traits usually associated with the happy little dog I knew.
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Just before Eddy was put down the veterinarian pointed out a hard lump in his stomach, thought to be a cancerous growth.
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I felt it and remembered feeling something very similar before. I knew then that we were making the right call.
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## mixed feelings
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I am not often an emotional wreck, but today I was.
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Though, after some thought I realized something that I'd realized before:
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> For something to cause me so much pain it had to have brought me joy. Memories are fading in and out, my vision goes blurry. I'm coming short of breath...
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> The only thing keeping me sane is knowing I have memories of us, the pictures captured a mere glimpse of it. But my heart captured everything.
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>
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> \- from the poem `thoughts` by Rick van Lieshout
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<figure class="float-left" style="width: 240px">
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<img src="/media/eddy-hat.jpg" alt="Eddy with a beige hat on">
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<figcaption>Very professional doggy. Early 2022</figcaption>
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</figure>
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And though those feelings are true. I also can't help but shake the sorrow I feel.
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I realize, all too well, that I've lost the last thing on this planet that I chose to truly love.
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Family ties are great and all, but I chose to spend my life with Eddy. I chose to take care of him and to love him until I couldn't anymore.
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A little over 2 years ago I moved out of my parent's house and I unfortunately couldn't take Eddy with me.
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Not only because my job doesn't really allow me to take the best emotional care (9-5..) of a dog but also because Eddy is old.
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Eddy simply didn't want to move. He knew his surroundings, even though he didn't see very well, and didn't really want to change them up.
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Though I went to see him every week (and my parents too...) I still didn't like being away from him for the rest of the week.
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I have debated getting a pet of my own. But as I said before I would feel sorry for the animal because I wouldn't be home much.
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I also thought of getting a cat, but I just like dogs more.
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Now that Eddy has left me completely I will just have to see where life takes me. I sure could use a buddy at times so maybe I will end up adopting a pet anyway.
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## Farewell
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In the end, though, I don't think anything can truly replace Eddy.
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I got Eddy an [urn](https://www.urnwinkel.nl/fotolijst-dierenurn-zwart.html) so I can have him in my life for the rest of mine.
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Sleep well, friend.
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![Eddy lying on a blue towel at the veterinarian after receiving the lethal injection. He looks peaceful](./media/eddy-post-mortem.jpg 'Eddy peacefully "sleeping" post mortem')
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## The urn
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It took way too long for the urn to be filled with pictures but in the end, I've gotten it done and I hung Eddy's urn in my bedroom.
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